Evening Hosts Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Visa Scheme

Late-night's prominent hosts used their evening mocking ex-President Donald Trump's newly launched visa initiative, called the "golden visa," characterizing it as a clear pay-for-access system for the wealthy.

Colbert's Sarcastic Spin

Opening his program, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical holiday tune targeting the president. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, and then handing that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "Trump ... ruins each thing he touches."

Colbert's target was the new program that allows foreign nationals to purchase U.S. legal status for a sum of $1 million dollars, with a "top-tier" tier for 5 million. The program's portal pledges processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick message here to wealthy immigrants: before you fork over the cash, have you considered Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He noted that the card is also intended to "extract cash" from firms looking to hire skilled workers, involving significant fees. "That is a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you additionally get free accommodation at a property of your choice – provided that it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.

"Unprecedented screening the government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these individuals truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Critique

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"It's a card that will let rich foreigners to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get official visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your selection."

"Maybe it's time to revise that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the simplicity of the form, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Exactly, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Economic Struggles

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's slipping poll numbers amid financial anxiety. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term because they were angry about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a bid to tackle affordability, Trump held a press conference in front of a display of grocery items, and reacted strangely to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."

"Trump is so incredibly weird," Meyers responded. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing right-leaning media coverage of Trump's economic performance. "Maybe rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he remarked.